First Letter

Dear Noel-y,

You are 5 1/2. You are my princess. My mini-moo. I have loved you for so long. Been so happy to be with you. How will you ever know the extent of my feelings? The love so big it is painful. A lump in my throat. The tears streaming down my cheeks.

We have had a bit of a rough road, you and me. It was just the two of us spending so much time together for so long. We had a routine. Playgroup on Wednesdays, Auntie Teresa's store on Friday afternoons. And fun playdates in between. Then Bodie came along. He would have fit into our lives so nicely. But then we had to move. It screwed everything up. Mommy wasn't happy. Mommy was alone. You missed out. You missed out on the last two years to be at home with your happy mommy. The mommy you knew and loved, the house you lived in, the friends you knew before you were born. All gone.

Our life downstate did have it's ups. You went to a wonderful Preschool. We lived in a great sub-division with a walking path and a playground. We had a pool! We did have fun! It was just different. A bit tainted. We had a great library with a wonderful story time. We had our routine. It was just different. Dance class on Tuesdays, school a few mornings a week. Nice walks in the morning and in December we would walk in the evenings and enjoy the Christmas Lights.

And now we've moved back. It's not back-back. But back. Up north. But it's not the same. You are in school allday-everyday. I miss our time together. Just you and me while Bodie napped. I miss you being 3. and 4. I just wasn't happy when you were 3 and 4. I ruined those years. I'm so sorry about that. But I'm going to make it up to you. From here on out. You're my girl. I'll be your happy mommy. We'll do fun things. Last night we had a "Spa Night." We painted our nails and put on lip gloss before bed. We make brownies and cookies together when you are home and Bodie naps. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you! And I want you to never have to wonder about that!